Why My Son Will Play With Dolls

Yes, you heard me correctly.

Yesterday on Facebook, I started a weigh-in of opinions with my status post:

Parents of boys: I'm wondering, would you/do you allow your boys to play w/ dolls? Why or why not? (My mind is made up; I'm just curious as to how other parents feel/think).

People immediately began weighing in, on everything from boys playing with dolls, kitchen sets, and strollers, to pink sippy cups and pink swimmies for the pool, and have done so up until about 12 hours ago. What I learned is that the majority of people agree that boys should most definitely be allowed to play with dolls. And here is why I feel the same.

I don't believe in restricting toys from children, unless they are age-inappropriate or dangerous, of course. I run a day care, and I have learned that children rarely play with toys in the manner in which they were intended (i.e. a baby bath becomes a lounging area to read a book), and children are HUGE mimics. I used to watch a little boy when I first starting the day care; Cullen was an infant at the time and I was nursing. This little boy was always so interested in what I was doing with Cullen; he would ask me if I was "milking the baby." :-) When I would change Cullen's diaper, this little boy would go get a baby doll and a baby blanket and follow my every move: lay the blanket down, lay the baby doll on it, and pretend to change its diaper. In essence, he was learning how to be a caregiver or a parent. Other boys in the day care have routinely played with dolls, saying they were "daddy" and they had to "take their baby to day care so they could go to work." They were doing what they have seen their parents do. At the same time, they are learning imaginative play, socialization skills, and how to play with others (i.e. playing with the "families" they create within the day care). By playing with dolls and mimicking adults, boys (and children in general) are learning to be nurturing and loving. How can that be a bad thing?

I often wonder about the parents who have restricted or would restrict dolls from their sons. I wonder if they realize that their boys probably do play with dolls in day care or preschool; that there is no separation of "boy's toys" and "girl's toys" in those settings. And if any of those parents actually believe that their boys playing with dolls might "make them gay," well, the ridiculousness of that would warrant a whole new blog post entirely.

When it comes to parenting Cullen, I would feel that I was doing him a great disservice by discouraging him from playing with a certain toy just because societal norms determine it to be a "girl's toy." By doing that, I would be teaching him to be ashamed of what he finds enjoyable to play with; instilling my son with shame and guilt would not be my idea of being a good mom. And as I stated earlier, as long as it is age-appropriate and not dangerous, why should he not be permitted to play with it? I believe that allowing him to play with toys of his choosing, I am instilling in him self-confidence, a sense of self, and an overall love of learning and exploring. Now whether those toys turn out to be dolls or trucks remains to be seen, but the choice will be his regardless.

So, when and if the day comes that Cullen wants his very own doll to play with, we will march proudly into the store, where he will choose his perfect tool to facilitate healthy play and learning.