Merry EVERYTHING!

Hello! And Merry Everything! Happy Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas, Happy Winter Solstice (although I do realize it has passed), Happy Hanukkah (also passed, I believe), Happy Kwanzaa (yet to come). Whatever you celebrate during this time, I hope it is happy and healthy; I hope it brings love and laughter with family and friends . . .

So, I'm Wondering . . .

Ok, topic of the day: babies! (Obviously, since this entire blog is about a mom.) Anyway, I've been thinking a lot today about how life is going to change (even more than it has) when Amy and I have another baby. The reason that I'm thinking of this is because our children are going to be very close in age, probably a little over two years apart. And I'm wondering what that will entail.

The reason that Amy and I will be trying for another baby so soon, some would say, is primarily due to our age difference. Amy and I are 13 years apart and Amy's children are 20 and 22. Seeing as how Cullen is 21 years younger than Amy's oldest child, we thought if we were going to have another child, we should do it soon.

Another reason for moving things along is because I want Cullen to have a sibling to grow up with. And mostly that's to ensure that he's not the only child in his school with two moms! Someone he can turn to with his frustrations or happiness when he doesn't feel he can turn to us. And vice versa for his sibling. Because above all, I love being a mom and am just very excited to have two children.

So it leads me to wonder how things will change, how I will be able to keep showing Cullen how amazing and important he is while caring for a new baby. Will I be plagued with jealousy and whining or will the siblings love each other and be fast friends?

Has my career change to day care mom helped to prepare me for dual-motherhood? I mean, I do watch numerous children of different ages 6 days a week. Cullen is used to being around other kids and sharing his mommy every day. My days are consumed with crumbs, crying, snot, silliness, time-outs, and tantrums, not to mention diapers--what's one more?!

Just a thought . . .

Hello Again!

Hello! I promised I would be back soon with more to share . . . although my back is feeling much better, it still hurts after throwing it out a week and a half ago! Anyway, I've made it back.

So, I wanted to explain the "small-town" part of the title of my blog; the more I think about it, the more issues I'm encountering as I try to decide how to explain where I live.

Long story short, when Amy and I were looking for a house, it was all about where we could afford to buy while still staying close to family and friends. Enter: Chambersburg. Beyond that, we did not do much research. So basically what I've learned since I've been here is that Chambersburg appears to be super-fanatical-religious with no tolerance for anything other than Christianity, many Chambersburg residents have been born and raised here and are now raising their families here, and most residents of this little town just have not encountered "alternative" families. I guess one could encounter these things anywhere, I just can't help but feel that there are other places much more tolerant, progressive, etc.

Granted, I do like living here when it comes to our house and the like-minded people I have met her so far, I just get tired of the dirty looks from my next-door neighbors and conversations such as the following (which occured while being shown our family pictures at Sears just a week ago):

Sears Employee: "He is sooo cute! Does he look like Mommy or Daddy?" This, of course, occurs after two women and a baby have had their pictures taken in traditional family poses.

Me: "He looks likes his two mommies!"

Sears Employee: (looks confused)

Sears Employee (later while we are paying for pictures): "So are you thinking about having anymore [kids]?"

Me: "Soon! We'd like to have one more."

Sears Employee: "Better tell Daddy to get busy!"

Me (pissed off): He doesn't have a daddy; Momma needs to get busy!"

Sears Employee: (very confused)

Ya gotta love ignorance. :-{

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My son, the ketchup fiend. His vehicle for ketchup? Cooked apples. Dip, suck ketchup off, repeat. :-)

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Bug loves Frosty . . .

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Ok, I am trying this mobile blogging AGAIN. I hope it works!

Oh, My Aching Back!

Ok, so I had one hell of a day yesterday . . . As it is my intention to post as close to everyday as possible, the thrown-out back I woke up with Wednesday presented me with just a few obstacles: 1) it hurt so bad I would have rather been in labor with no pain meds, 2) it took me approximately two hours to get from my bed to the other side of the room where I crumpled painfully into a ball on the floor; I stayed there for the next four hours, and 3) the Percocet-induced haze, which was necessary for me to even half-function, did not allow me to coherently gather my thoughts in a way that anyone else could have been able to follow.

And what about the day care? I don't get any sick days, personal hours, paid vacations. My wonderful wife, who was supposed to work a double, took off the entire day to take care of Cullen and run the day care during my incapacitation (oh--and she took care of me, too!). She really is more than I could have ever asked for . . .

And I think the worst part of my day was the fact that I couldn't even pick up my son . . . talk about feeling like a failure.

So, as we drifted off to sleep--having a slumber party in our family room so decrepit Mommy could sleep in the recliner--my ideas for my next post battled with the pain meds to find some corner of my brain to reside in until I can get them out. Hopefully, they're still there . . .

See you soon.

"Exploits"

So, I thought it might be a good idea to talk a little bit about who I am and how my mind works (LOL). I'd like to start with breaking down the title of my blog, starting with the word "exploits."

According to Thesaurus.com, "exploit," when used as a noun, is defined as an "acheivement." Furthermore, synonyms for "exploit" include: "accomplishment, adventure, attainment, effort," and "feat." This works perfect for me, in my opinion. Have I found some miraculous cure for a disease; am I famous for some amazing work of art; is my name a household one? No, no, and absolutely not. But the things I have accomplished so far are big to me.

I feel that I have always been independent and goal-driven. I have always worked, since I was 14 years old, looking forward to buying that first car (and the second, third, fourth, and so on). When I graduated high school, it was on to college; I graduated in 2004 with my Bachelor's degree in social work. Even when my parents thought that college graduation was not in my future (after I took a semester off at the end of my sophomore year), I returned to continue and complete my education. I also came out during this time.

I've always wanted to find someone to spend my life with, have a family; much like a lot of people, I suppose. And when I met Amy in 2004, it felt like I had come home, like this was something so right. We hit it off as friends almost immediately, and took our relationship to another level not too long after that. We had a commitment ceremony in June 2006, surrounded by supportive family and friends (my parents not included, unfortunately).

Amy and I bought a house together, another huge accomplishment, and then moved on to what I feel is my biggest accomplishment yet: our son. (Please understand that our son is of course a huge accomplishment to Amy as well, but I cannot call it her biggest accomplishment, as she already has two beautiful children in addition to our son.) The journey to conceive our son was indeed a roller coaster of emotion, but even when I felt sadness or despair when an attempt was not successful, I always felt deep down that eventually we would be successful. And we were . . .

When I watch Cullen, 14 months old and toddling around, his little hands in fists like a miniature boxer and giggling at the silliest little things, I still can't always convince myself he's really here! He is, to me, the most beautiful little boy, his light blond hair getting thicker everyday and his piercing blue eyes providing me with a gorgeous work of art to stare at endlessly. He looks just like his Momma (Amy), even though Mommy (me) was the one to carry him. He was meant for me and I for him. He is, without a doubt, my biggest accomplishment, my most wonderful adventure.

Our next big feat is, without a doubt, creating a sibling for Cullen, something Amy and I are looking forward to immensely (stay tuned!).

So, here I am, reflecting on my partner and our family, knowing that no exploit, no acheivement, no feat, is out of our reach. Together we can do anything.

The Beginning

So, here I sit, wine glass in hand; Amy's putting the baby down to sleep and I'm embarking on something new. I'm opening up and sharing my life, as exciting or mundane as it may be, with anyone who cares to read about it.

My name is Julie, and as you may have realized from the title of my blog, I am a lesbian mom. Of course, there are many more aspects to my personality and the core of who I am, but as anyone with children knows, they become our core. I am married (not legally, of course, but whatever) to my wonderful wife, Amy, who has two grown children already; together we conceived of, gave birth to, and are raising together our beautiful 14-month-old son, Cullen (14 months old TODAY!).

Amy and I have been together for 5 years (tomorrow!), and married for 3 and a half years. After I had our son in Sept. 2008, I left my job as a caseworker/social worker for individuals with developmental disabilities to become a stay-at-home mom/day care provider. I experienced so much anxiety, not over starting the day care or thinking I couldn't do it, but wondering, "will people in this small, religious town entrust their children to a lesbian?!!!" I lost so much sleep over that; I know how caring and compassionate I am, how capable I am of caring for children, but would people look past the fact that I have a wife and not a husband and get to know me for who I am? Despite certain decisions I had to make (like the day Amy said to me, "Honey, maybe you should take the rainbow off the storm door window . . . so people can get to know you before they judge you."), my day care has been going strong for almost a year now. And I get to wake up everyday and be with my amazing and beautiful son.

Being home, as thrilling as it is to be with Cullen, tends to make me feel claustrophobic at times. I am constantly looking for ways to network, find like-minded people, and otherwise not feel so closed-in. So, here I am. I'm not totally sure what to expect, but I have begun. Begun this journey of self-expression for all to share. And for those of you who choose to follow, welcome to my world!