So, Amy and I have decided to put off another insemination until June . . . we have some stressful events coming up and decided together that it would be best to take a month off. What's a month? A long time in the midst of this process. I know deep down that this is a sensible, smart decision, and will provide some time and space to breathe and work on relaxation and managing anxieties. Yet it still causes a forlorn feeling inside me, almost an emptiness.
I know that I need to work on my anxieties. When it comes to this process, both when we got pregnant with Cullen and this time around, my anxieties seem to consume me. I'm frequently worried about timing, are we doing everything correctly, will it work this time, how long will it take? My mind is often like a war zone, all these thoughts racing through my head and me trying incessantly to quiet them, reaching for a reassurance (or reassurances) to hold on to, to calm me. When the reassurance I need is napping right across the hall--my beautiful, sweet, mischievous blond-haired boy that I gave birth to.
I'm going to try my hardest to take this time to relax, keep meditating, blogging, taking walks, eating better, and anything else I discover that may help. Here's to staying relaxed and remaining hopeful.
In the process of baby making I think it will be good to take a break as heard as it is. You will have time to relax and de-stress about it. Enjoy you time and try not to think about it.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen Under The Tuscan Sun? Katherine tells Frances about looking for ladybugs and never finding them. So she would stop, take a nap, and wake up covered in ladybugs. Take a break and when you are ready you will find your baby.
Thanks, Heidi. I like the ladybug story . . . guess I'll have to rent that movie now. Lol! When I was trying to get pregnant with Cullen, I always knew deep down that I WOULD be pregnant, but it still took 5 tries (spaced out over 13 months). Even though I knew, every unsuccessful attempt hurt. I feel the same way now . . . 2 babies is what is waiting for me, the 2nd one just wasn't ready these last 2 tries . . . :-)
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