The Waiting Is . . .

So we are in the waiting stage of our second attempt; just the fact that I have typed that, knowing full-well anyone in the world could read it, is a huge step for me. When Amy and I were trying to get pregnant with Cullen, the first couple times I was so confident, I would tell EVERYONE with such high hopes. Then I was faced with explaining that I wasn't pregnant two weeks later. So then I stopped talking. But five tries total and Cullen entered our lives . . . We couldn't be happier.
And here we are again. It's surreal at times, although I don't know why, really. It's exciting, happy, stressful, mysterious, fun, and sad (when it doesn't work). I watch an infant in my day care now that Cullen is totally attached to--I love watching him love on her, guard her, and want to help me with every aspect of her care (he's a very good helper!). And I can't help but think, "I can't wait to see him with his baby brother or sister."
So every try causes my hyper-sensitivity to kick into overdrive. "Should I eat this?" "Should I take that medicine?" "What if when I picked that up or bent that way, I caused something to go wrong?" And the most prevalent, "I'm so stressed! What if that is affecting my ability to get pregnant?" Sigh. Every new day brings a myriad of new worries and concerns. But this is me. This was me when I got pregnant with Cullen and it's me now. Being stressed, worrying, it's all a part of my personality. So I'm trying not to fight it anymore. Rather, I'm just trying to accept it. I know we will be a family of four soon (six, including my two stepchildren!), stress and all.
A funny tidbit I'll leave you with: I actually had someone ask me how we get pregnant and when I explained that we use a syringe instead of a penis, they said, "Oh, I thought you had to have surgery or something!" Hmmm . . . Really? Where would people be if they didn't have lesbians to educate them?!!!