Sad

So . . . I discovered this morning that I am not pregnant--this time. I'm sad, I'm disappointed, but I also know that I have to work on being positive (although, for those reading that have actually met me, you're probably laughing or shaking your head). I'm still amazed at myself for sharing this with the free world, but I find it therapeutic, so it can't be so bad. Plus, if I'm going to share with all of you that we've tried, and then not share with you the outcome, my level of commitment to this blog wouldn't seem very high, would it?

When our attempts are unsuccessful, I always find myself in the midst of many different questions and emotions: "Why didn't it work this time," "Is there something wrong with me," "Did we do something wrong?" I simultaneously remind myself that Amy and I successfully created a beautiful little boy and I am very able to be pregnant. I also try to remember that we are a powerhouse--we always work hard to get what we want and we are not ones to give up. Although I may not always be victorious on my personal journey to achieve constant (or just frequent) positivity, those few thoughts bring me solace and comfort. I just have to work at it more than most.

As I sit here, faced with another couple weeks of tracking and waiting, I try to look at it as an opportunity to work on things that help me relax: meditation (my last several attempts have left me far from satisfied), keeping up with my blog, and just making it through each day without feeling overly stressed while learning to let the little things go.

Cullen's little brother or sister will be here eventually, it just doesn't seem to be on my time.